


my love is yours—

by sevenzeroseven



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, M/M, Multi, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-28 12:51:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15707586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevenzeroseven/pseuds/sevenzeroseven
Summary: —if you're willing to take it / sing & eiji talk over breakfast in 1994 / sing & eiji talk at a wedding in 1999 / sing & eiji talk outside a restaurant in 1990





	1. nineteen ninety-four

It was hard being in love with someone who was in love with someone else—who was in turn dead. It was like being in love with a ghost, more so than the actual ghost.

And it was bittersweet.

There were many things binding Sing to Eiji—duty, obligation, friendship but not least of all, guilt.

It should’ve been that simple.

He wished it’d stayed that simple.

Living with Eiji, it was easy to see why Ash loved him—or fell  _in_  love with him. Amidst the loud, continuous crackle of gunfire, Eiji’s softness had always seemed like weakness, and Ash’s weaknesses had never seemed to exist at all. But in the quiet, the strength behind the Japanese boy’s eyes shone, each gentle touch belying an unshakable resolve. Maybe in crime-ridden New York, Eiji needed to be protected, but back in countryside Japan, Sing was sure he'd been a capable kid. Popular maybe, or even a jock. (Sing wished he could’ve seen him pole vault; he still did.)

“You’re up early.”

Sing startled from his spot at the kitchen entrance, abruptly pulled from his thoughts with a chagrined smile. He thought he’d crept in unnoticed, so either Eiji had gotten more perceptive, or he was losing his edge. (Or he’d simply been staring too long and too hard for Eiji to pretend otherwise.)

Eiji tipped his head back; the light caught the right half of his face, and Sing found himself staring again.

“Could say the same for you,” he returned. “Early shoot?” He pulled his arms over his head and unleashed a great, big yawn like he was anything less than hyper-awake. (He hadn't slept, and he was too hopped up on caffeine to feel it, but Eiji didn't need to know that.)

Taking a seat at the dining room table, Sing leaned his elbows against the edge and watched Eiji finish preparing breakfast. He laid out the rest of the dishes—natto, miso soup, fried eggs, tofu—and Sing said his thanks before digging in. They spent the next fifteen minutes shooting the shit, Sing inquiring about the other's new camera and latest project and Eiji asking after his classes and the state of Chinatown. When the rice was all gone, they lapsed into silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but it was a soft, loud silence, the kind that often made him notice anew how much Eiji had changed. Grief had been hanging around him like an invisible shroud for the last seven years. In these moments, the only thing Sing could think was:  _it didn't used to be like this_.

Eiji moved to clear the dishes, and Sing grabbed his wrist. The Japanese man startled, almost recoiled, but Sing's unwavering gaze held him steady. "Let me help," he said and let go as he picked up his empty bowl and moved toward the sink. 

He heard Eiji pause behind him before laughing quietly. "No need, Sing. You'll be late for your class." 

Sing shrugged. "Prof's out today anyway. It's a substitute, and he's not gonna talk about anything important, so." Sing threw Eiji a smile over his shoulder. "Let me help." 

Eiji, still seeming hesitant, nevertheless nodded and went to stand by his side. Their shoulders were just a hand's breadth from touching.

They washed for a few seconds in silence, Sing soaping and Eiji rinsing and drying, when Sing said, "They're opening another branch of Chang Dai in Chinatown."

The chopsticks clattered into the drying rack loudly. Sing pretended not to notice the way Eiji's movements twitched. "For Shorter," he continued, voice dropping slightly, and sighed. He shook his hands free of excess water and pressed them into his shirt to dry before turning around to lean back against the sink. His right fingers gripped the edge as those on his left formed a loose, helpless fist at his side.

"Everyone'll be there for the opening. Nadia, Charlie, Alex, Cain... I want you to come." He paused then added with emphasis, "—with me."

"Sing..." Eiji turned away, last dirty dish forgotten in the sink, and Sing immediately felt a prickle of pain in his chest. The fist at his side tightened. 

Eiji went to sit at the dining table again, elbows propped along the surface with his fingers laced together and his forehead pressed against them. Sing hesitated before turning off the faucet to follow. He gulped back the words he wanted to say with great effort because he knew they were selfish and he knew that Eiji already knew. Saying them again wouldn't do either of them any good. But still, sometimes Sing's chest felt like it was going to burst, and he didn't even know whether it was out of hurt feelings or Eiji's continued vigil. He just wanted to see him happy again. 

Neither of them said anything for a beat, and then Sing let out a long, drawn-out breath and smiled weakly. He knocked his knuckles against the wood just shy of brushing Eiji's elbow. "Okay. I get it. I'll wait." 

Eiji looked up then and offered him such a tender, plaintive gaze that Sing had to restrain himself from leaning down and catching his lips like he was always thinking about doing. Instead, he took a measured step back. "But come," he added, some mirth returning to his grin. "You could do with some catching up with everyone. Good to get you outta that dark room once in a while too." He laughed, but Eiji's mien seemed none the lighter.

"Sing, I don't want to..." Eiji paused and adjusted the glasses on his face before meeting the younger's eyes again. "I don't want to keep hurting you like this." His voice had quieted to a whisper, and suddenly Eiji didn't look 28 anymore than he'd looked 19 when he first came. He looked far younger (and maybe still a little lost). 

Sing's chest tightened inexplicably as he hurriedly denied, "You're not. You're not, really. This—" He made a helpless gesture with his right hand as his left went to rub at the back of his neck. "—it's my problem. But..." He stopped, a frown briefly passing over his expression. "If there's even a chance..." 

Sing started backing out of the kitchen, pivoting toward the entryway. "Don't shut me out," he finished, throwing one more smile over his shoulder. "Imma take Buddy for a walk before I go. Good luck with work today." 

Eiji said nothing more, so Sing took that as a go-ahead. Buddy had been eating his own meal while they'd been eating theirs, and now he bounded up to Sing enthusiastically as he knelt to give the retriever a good scratch behind the ears. "Heya, ready for a walk?" he asked, and the dog barked excitedly in return. Sing looked over at the kitchen entryway where he could just make out Eiji's form standing over the sink again, washing out that final plate. He let out a hard breath through his nose. "You know, your owner's really too nice," he chuckled. "But that's why you love him, right?" 

Buddy's only response was to lick at the hand petting his head. Sing took that as a wordless affirmation to which he replied, "I love him too."

And maybe one day he'd be able to say that to Eiji as freely and happily as he said it to Buddy. "Let's go, boy."  


	2. nineteen ninety-nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pt 2: sing & eiji talk at a wedding in 1999

Eiji had never known where he and Sing stood. It’d always been a blissfully blank canvas with the first stroke being friendship and the second being his to make, but he could never bring himself to make it. (Kind of like him and Ash—well, in the physical sense, anyway.)  
  
Sometimes, Eiji still saw him. In strangers, in advertisements, in people who modeled for him. He’d see a flash of Ash, and his heart would thump twice in excitement. But then, of course, it would never be him, and he’d silently admonish himself for his hopelessness. But it couldn’t be helped. He loved Ash. He’d love him until the day he died.  
  
So when those same words came out of their mouths in the form of traditional wedding vows, he couldn’t help but cry. Not for Ash or himself but for Sing and Akira. He’d been a mess during the reception initially, but he was also the photographer. He found his bearings soon enough and began snapping pictures. He wanted them to have enough to fill an entire album, and he had plenty of subjects to do so. Ibe-san and his fiancée, his parents, his sister, Akira’s parents, her high school friends, Sing’s gang, Yut-Lung (surprisingly) and their business associates, ~~Ash’s~~ Alex’s gang, Cain’s gang, Max, Jessica, Michael, his girlfriend, Charlie, Nadia, their newborn, Mr. Jenkins, his daughters and their families—Sing and Akira had gone all out on invitations. Surrounded by so much love—all of his friends and family and the people who’d helped him become who he was today—Eiji was happy.  
  
But most of all, Eiji was happy for Sing.  
  
Near midnight, the people had started to disperse. Sing had loosened his shirt and tie, and Akira looked ready to drop dead in Sing’s lap. Eiji had taken one final picture before that, with Akira still bright-eyed and swinging her legs, but they couldn’t see it yet. He was eager to get it and the rest developed to show off, but exhaustion had taken the wind out of his sails as well. All he wanted now was to go home to his bed and faithful Buddy waiting at the door.

Eiji was checking over his equipment when a warm, familiar voice caught his attention.  
  
“Eiji!” Sing called, grinning from the tips of his ears to the balls of his feet—a 6’3” mass of pure joy. The elation was infectious. Eiji found himself smiling genuinely, freely, in return.  
  
“Sing!” he returned excitedly, something of that naive, easy-to-please 19-year-old boy shining through his gaze. They hadn't had much of an opportunity to talk today, what with Sing getting married and Eiji being the photographer. His eyes swept over the emptying complex, past the group of business men Sing had just bid farewell, before settling back on the other. "Cheese!" he said suddenly and brought his camera up for the last, last picture of the night.

Sing raised his hand a second too late to block it, laughing candidly. "Hey! Quit it. I'm already a mess." 

He pummeled into Eiji, left arm rising to sling across his shoulders, and Eiji couldn't help stumbling a bit from the unexpected weight. "Thanks again for agreeing to photograph for us, Eiji. I know you're busy."

"Of course. How could I miss your and Aki-chan's wedding?" Eiji returned immediately. He lifted his camera again with an accompanying nod of his head. "I probably took a few hundred photos today. I'll get them developed in the next few days."   
  
Sing's expression softened, and he released a short breath as he stepped away. “That’s great.” Shoving his hands into the pockets of his dress slacks, he sidled out a bit past Eiji and farther into the courtyard they'd rented out for the reception. Little lights and lamp posts illuminated the cobblestone paths surrounding the main pavilion. Sing nodded out into the relative darkness, a gesture for Eiji to follow. Eiji wordlessly obliged after he stored his camera away.

Sing had stopped midway down a path leading to another gazebo, one of many locations for the couple's official portraits. Eiji ran a hand through his hair, short again, and stopped beside him. They stood in silence for a while listening to the chirping of crickets and quiet chatter still filtering from the dining area. Sing spoke first.  
  
"I'm glad you had a good time, Eiji." He turned such that half of his face was lit from behind and the other half was dimly silhouetted by the lantern a few paces away. “I wanted to remind you that you’re loved." He paused, something wistful entering his demeanor. "You both are.”  
  
Eiji's breath caught for the briefest moment. “Sing, I—“  
  
Sing held up a hand, and Eiji gulped back the rest of his sentence. He turned to face him fully and somberly. Inhaling deeply, he said, “Eiji, I love you.” His stare that had been unwavering and resolute during those four, short words suddenly skirted to the side, and he seemed—sheepish? Eiji smiled fondly, nearly chuckled, but Sing continued before he could interject. “Man, I always will," he laughed, rubbing his neck and leaning back on his heels. "Thanks for putting up with me for all those years.”  
  
When Eiji wasn’t looking, Sing had grown up. Where had that 14-year-old boy he’d initially met gone? Eiji found himself at a loss for words, but once Sing's eyes found his again, he was opening his mouth regardless. Somehow, the sentences strung themselves together. “No, Sing. Thank you. You are you." He closed his eyes, recalling a similar sentiment he'd imparted to the other what felt like many years ago now. "And I love you also." He meant every word. (Maybe not quite how Sing had originally meant, and it was too late now, but...) 

He hadn't caught Sing's expression, but in the next second, the younger had pulled him into a tight hug. It reminded him of how small he was and just how large Sing had grown. After a beat of hesitation, Eiji lifted his arms and returned the hug. “Sing, thank you,” he repeated. Such a simple phrase wasn't enough to express the extent of his gratitude toward the younger, but it was what he had at the moment.   
  
“Siiinnnng.”

They pulled away from each other at the small, tired whine approaching from behind. Akira had completely discarded her shoes, bare feet showing grass stains even in this dim lighting. The tone of her voice conveyed her message quite well, and both Sing and Eiji broke out in quiet laughter.   
  
“Shit!" Sing exclaimed, back to his wide grin. "I forgot how short you were without heels.” He moved away from Eiji's side to press a hand atop Akira's head, apparently with some force because her face contorted into a frowning pout.

"I'm still growing!" she returned and might've argued harder if she wasn't clearly exhausted.

"Yeah, alright," Sing acquiesced, pulling his fingers away from upsetting Akira's hair-do any further than what the day's activities had already done to it. "You're tired? Wanna go home?"

She nodded and wasn't even halfway through her yawn when Sing swept her off her feet bridal style.

"W-Wahh! Sing!" 

"Hey, it's either this or piggyback."

Eiji could see Akira's bright blush even with Sing's back turned to him. He laughed again, the sound full and happy. "Have a good night, Aki-chan."   
  
“Eiji, then." Sing pivoted toward him while nodding the other way with Akira still hiding her face in her hands. "We’ll be going on ahead. We’ll come with you to the airport to see Ibe and your family off.”  
  
Eiji took a few steps after them. “Sure. Good night to you too, Sing. And congratulations to you both.”  
  
“Thank you—for everything." Akira yawned and smiled sleepily up at him from within the confines of Sing's arms. "Good night, Okumura-san."

After they'd disappeared back into the brightly-lit pavilion, Eiji took the rest of the pathway to the darkened pagoda where the only lights were those inlaid along the walkway. He took the steps slowly, and once he'd reached the landing, he sat on the bench inside for a while in silence. He looked out over the procession in the distance, Akira and Sing and all the other guests who'd stuck around this late. Something stirred in his chest, a deluge of familiar emotions, both happy and not.

"Ash," he murmured, glancing down at his fingers and then up at what he could make out of the night sky. "I'm okay. I hope you are too."   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this took longer than i thought it would hhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  
> my children are kind of Okay /insert sob emoji  
> thanks for sticking it out & for reading :')

**Author's Note:**

> woooooooo boy i hope this came out okay lmAO i started this almost exactly 1 month ago, and if i didnt finish it ao3 was gonna delete the draft;;;;;;;;;; so i decided to finish it, but alSO its been a month since i read the manga and i hOPe this came out ok bc oh boy................ that epilogue chapter.............. made me feel Things :') anyway thanks for reading (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧


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